True joy

An ordinary day for me goes something like this.

I knock off work at around 7pm, I take the MRT and get home tired at 8pm. I unpack and take a few minutes break before I bring Angel out for a stroll. I cycle her about 2km to the park where she's free to roam around, the route involves some up hills. She likes to be carried a lot and often I have to piggyback her all the way back to where the bike is parked.

By the time we get home it's normally around 9:30pm when I have to give her a quick shower. After a quick break, I finally have my dinner at 10pm. During this time Angel often comes into the room and just generally disturbs me, sometimes I just can't have a simple meal in peace. I wash the plates, play with her for a little while more, then I take my shower.

By now hopefully Angel would be asleep. I can now clear some work emails, yes there are always emails after working hours. Finally, at around 12pm, I can have some free time to spend on my interests.

But I'm so exhausted by now. It's either I go to bed and have some decent rest, or more often than not, I choose to just do what I enjoy doing - catching up on news, socializing online, reading humorous stuff, reading on photography, and working on my photos. Every morning I wake up tired all over again and wondering why I did what I did in the night (morning actually).

Parenthood sucks much?

Not so.

Think about it. When was the last time you were truly happy? When was the last time you felt a genuine smile in your heart and you can't help showing it on your face too? The fact is, I feel this every single day.

True joy for me is waking up in the morning seeing Angel already up sitting on her potty chair reading her books. She knows all the alphabets but she doesn't understand a single word, but you can sense her curiosity and her eagerness to try to make sense of her book.

True joy is hearing her say "bye bye.......... daddy", giving me flying kiss, and waving her hand when I leave for work.

True joy is finally coming home seeing Angel come running and literally jumping into my arms, clinging on to me as I unpack. True joy is seeing the crafts that she made in school, it's seeing genuine excitement on her face when she knows it's time to go for a stroll, and when she runs to fetch her favorite shoes.

True joy is hearing Angel on the backseat of the bike muttering everything that she sees - T for tree, C for car, T for truck, G for grass, M for moon, red means stop no no no, green go go go! True joy is seeing her curiosity as she explores and learns about the great outdoors, and hearing her mad laughter when I piggyback her while jumping.

True joy is hearing Angel say "bye bye park. bye bye bridge. bye bye McDonald's" when we head home, it's hearing her say "home home" when we get home, it's hearing her say "white soap, green shampoo", it's seeing her suddenly pushing the door open and climbing onto my lap as I eat my dinner, it's seeing her in pyjamas holding her little pillow and blanket.

True joy is seeing Angel sleeping, and probably dreaming about her little adventures.

Parenthood is exhausting. Yes.

But this is when I feel the happiest, and most alive.